Donna O'Donnell Figurski's Blog

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TidBits About Donna #61 A Bad Year for Tomatoes

A Bad Year for Tomatoes

Written by John Patrick

Directed by Nick Thomas

November 2012

Myra Marlowe, the actress, tried to escape the craziness of Hollywood only to find herself amongst a new set of challenges in the back woods of Vermont. Cora Gump and her friend, Reba Harper, the “hospitality ladies” (AKA church-women) set out to welcome Myra, who had reverted to her given name, Myrtle Durdle. Myra/Myrtle had hoped to be incognito. She didn’t need to worry with this backwards bunch.

Reba brought sugar, salt, bread and butter, and the Reader’s Digest. No ordinary “welcoming” bottle of wine for these church-ladies. In fact Reba Harper was horrified to find just that in one of Myra’s bags.

“Did you know it was a bad year for tomatoes?” asked Cora Gump as she presented Myrtle with a lovely jar of tomatoes then quickly assured her that she cut out the aphids and cut worm, white fly and black spot, the mealy bugs and blossom rot before she canned the tomatoes.  It can’t get worse than that – can it? Well … maybe it can.

Soon Mr. Piney came a-knockin’. With his long, bushy beard and his shiny ax, he was a frightful sight. Piney, the local woodcutter, manure-seller, and skunk trapper, stopped by to peddle his wares. Wood, (dumped or stacked – cost more stacked) and hickory nuts, but thankfully – no skunk.

When Myra, in total frustration, invented a crazy sister character, (Sis Sadie) who threatened to cut off Piney’s ear with a pair of scissors, it didn’t faze him a bit. In fact he later showed his devotion to Sis Sadie when he came “sparkin” with a bouquet of swamp lilies and a box of horehound candy.

Then came Willa Mae Wilcox – that’s me. She was a lunatic and such fun to play. She’s NOT gifted. She’s occult and refuses to speak to anyone who’s Pisces. Poor Reba Harper – you guessed it. She’s Pisces! Willa Mae gathered her mugwort to save Sis Sadie, and waited for the moon to be just right, but she needn’t have gone to the trouble because Reba and Cora had already talked to Brother Leviticus who already rented a carnival snake. After a major fight ensued between Reba and Willa Mae, they all sat down for a cup of tea. Willa Mae wasn’t going to drink  tea. She never touched it  – except to read the leaves. And, well … Cora’s tea was poured from the scotch bottle – just enough to “tickle the tonsils.”

When the Constable arrived to arrest Myrtle/Myra for killing her sister, more confusion ensued. It wasn’t until Tom Lamont, Miss Marlowe’s Hollywood agent, barreled in and straightened up the whole mess did everyone finally recognize the actress, Myra Marlowe. Will Mae said it best,

“I knew who she was all along. It was in her hand!

                                          She REALLY didn’t!

(seated l to r) Helen Exel, Stephanie Lotta, Donna O’Donnell Figurski

(Standing l to r) Marie Blado, Dickson Lane, James Houston, Scott Guzzo

(Photos compliments of ME.)

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

(Click on any picture to enlarge it.)


November 25, 2012 - Posted by | TidBits About Donna | , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. That was really, really cute!

    Comment by Helen | November 28, 2012 | Reply

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